A Taste of Revising “Trials of Faith”

July 29, 2015 by: Douglas

I’ve been hard at work revising the second book in The Earthrin Stones trilogy. Sometime around the end of the summer we should see the new release of Trials of Faith. Mostly I’ve been editing down size and using better wording. However, some days, like today, I find an excuse to add something new.

Let’s look at the original release:

Kemora pushed Montanya back until the ravine widened. Any relief Montanya may have felt with the increased space was nullified by the softness of the mud. The human woman was sinking into the ground, yet Kemora was light enough to avoid getting mired.

The chiaso recalled another of her lessons; though one she had not spent nearly enough time contemplating. It was called Skimmer Step. She had to bring her will and body together. She recalled Lindon’s notes as she did so. To Kemora’s surprise, Montanya achieved an excellent level of balance. The chiaso stepped atop the mud and stayed there. Montanya no longer sank into the ground despite all their fighting maneuvers.

When I rewrote this, an inspiration came to me to add something of Montanya’s history. After all, the Skimmer Step is briefly explained…but it could use more substance. See the revision below.

Kemora pushed Montanya back until the ravine widened. The softness of the mud nullified any relief Montanya may have felt with the increased space. The mud sucked at the human’s legs, yet Kemora was light enough to avoid getting mired. Amidst every squelch, Montanya’s feet slowed.

The chiaso recalled another of her lessons; one she had not spent nearly enough time contemplating. The students had practiced Skimmer Step on rainy days in the Highwater district. Her mind went back to those days of stepping into the mudflows. As a young girl, she had looked upon the poor and homeless. They had stared back at the odd sight of children trying to walk on the muck oozing past their wet shelters. Young Montanya knew back then that she would grow to be their protector. She had to bring her will and body together, and it helped to recall Lindon’s music. The minstrel had risen from those very same poor alleys in that flooded district to inspire her. To Kemora’s surprise, Montanya achieved an enlightened level of balance. The chiaso stepped atop the mud and stayed there. Montanya no longer sank into the ground despite all their fighting maneuvers.

I loved the revision! It visualized something beyond the name of the ability. We see more of Montanya’s history and motivations; it even reflected on Lindon’s character and those bonds of companionship. It does slow down the pace of a combat scene. However, I believe it overall adds more to the story and the characters.

Hope you enjoyed this glimpse!